I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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