so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
