just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
