so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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