i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
