So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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