Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
