Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
