I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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