Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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