We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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