escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
