I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
