I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just high enough for therapy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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