I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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