the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Your dad touched me again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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