my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
