the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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