Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
