marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
