Just took my morning after pill in the library
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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