But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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