I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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