he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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