1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
