i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
