Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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