I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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