R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
