yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
