Jerry, you need to find god
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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