Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
