She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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