i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
