I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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