shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
