u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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