just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
