but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
