I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
