Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize