How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
