the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
