My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
