yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize