You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize