I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
