yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She needs sedatives and a leash
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
