found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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