I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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