Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize