I think I am morally bankrupt
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
