i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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