Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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