i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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