Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
