The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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