Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
