i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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