I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think your dad took our porno
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
