You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
