Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
