how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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