Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize