you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
