I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
