I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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